Strapped Desire
by MelanieVimpula
Summary: Lovino had always been in love with his younger brother, though he always hid it. Then on one trip to Belgium he can't resist it any more...  Warnings! This is Itacest and rape -story, but does contain romance too like the genres say  More warnings inside


Hiyas! It's Melanie again, this time with this one-shot~

WARNING! This story contains Itacest, which means incest, drugging, bondage and rape.  
>So... Enjoyable stuff to those pervers who like that, including me, enjoy the story~!<p>

* * *

><p>Midsummer in Belgium. The conference room was full. Lovino felt a bead of sweat roll down his back. It was hot. Thirsty and dry. His hazel-green eyes half lidded; the forbidden lust was making him dizzy and breathless once again. Lovino pretended to be asleep leaning against the table, but in truth he was looking at his younger brother trough his bangs, examining his delicate features. Bright and big amber eyes, just looking in them sent hot shivers down Lovi's spine. Feliciano licked slightly his dry pale pink lips. Lovino found himself doing the same and he flushed a bit redder. He knew it was awfully wrong, to feel this way of his own brother. A bittersweet forbidden fruit. Oh how he hungered for it... Lovino panted slightly, he didn't know what to do; his pants felt a bit tighter than before. Suddenly Feliciano turned to him with a worried face. He softly brushed his fingers trough Lovi's dark chocolate coloured locks and pressed a small kiss on his forehead. Apparently Feliciano thought that his brother was having bad dreams and tried to relieve him. Feli's small acts almost made Lovino to go crazy. Oh how he desired to press the younger man against the table and kiss him deeply and passionately. He had to keep himself from doing that; what would the others think? Or what would Feliciano think? ...No, he couldn't think of that. The heat in his abdomen grew when he thought what he had planned for this night. Lovino felt nervous and a bit ashamed. What was he thinking? He almost regretted putting the 'knock-out drops', cuffs, straps and a ball-gag in his bag, but he was sure he would regret it more if he didn't do it. Lovino had to satisfy his burning desire somehow, all he wanted to do was to fuck Feliciano and that he was damn well going to do. Lovino decided to leave before his 'problem' would get too noticeable. He shifted slightly and tucked the hem of his suit jacket a little lower before abruptly standing up and rushing out of the conference room. The next minutes were wrapped in haze, but when he could clear up his mind again he found himself in the bathroom fingers sticky of his own cum, breathlessly still whispering Feliciano's name.<p>

-"Fratello... Why do you always sleep in the conferences and leave before they're even over?" Feliciano asked carefully when they were walking to the hotel. Lovino rolled his eyes and huffed:  
>-"It's boring. And do they ever do anything sensible in there? Fuck no." Feliciano furrowed his brows a little, but then smiled and took his brother's hand into his.<br>-"I guess not, but it's part of the business of being a nation." Lovino gasped when he felt Feli's fingers intertwining gently with his. The soft skin against skin... Lovino erased the dirty thoughts from his mind quickly. They walked quietly to the hotel and in their room. It was already a bit dark outside. Not that it would get much darker because of the lights... Lovino felt like he could drink something. He glanced quickly at Feliciano. His younger brother had his back turned to him, so he quickly searched his bag and put the knock-out drops in the pocket of his jacket. Tonight he would do it.

Lovino lead them downstairs to the hotel's bar and ordered a bottle of fine white wine. He thought the things trough a bit and wondered would it count as a date rape when they spent time together like this. Lovino chose a bit hidden booth in the back of the bar, it would be perfect. At least Feliciano seemed happy, he drank his glass empty quickly and chirped some nonsense Lovino didn't feel like listening to. The second glass went down slower, the alcohol made Feliciano's expression a bit drowsy. He did talk something, but Lovino couldn't care less what it was. Now he just watched as the faint drunken glow decorated his younger brother's cheeks and his bright amber eyes sparkled. The words flowed down his lips, but the only thing Lovi could see was just those damn kissable lips. Pale pink and soft, soon he would find out what they felt and tasted like. Just the thought made him impatient. When he filled Feliciano's next glass he also dropped the knock-out drops in. Lovino barely could hide his excitement. Feliciano consumed his drink slowly, but clearly after few minutes his eyes started to glaze over and his words slurred quite badly.  
>-"Mmm, fratello... I..I'm quite tired..." He mumbled, drooping a bit. Lovino tried to hide his triumphant grin.<br>-"Well damn, then you go to sleep, idiot." He answered shortly, stood up and helped Feliciano up as well. Feli clung to him weakly.  
>-"...M-my legs... I don't think I … can walk..." His legs sure trembled a bit, ready to collapse at any second.<br>-"Want a piggyback ride?" Lovino asked and without waiting for the answer took Feliciano on his back, carrying him to the elevator. Feli snuggled against his back, whispering faintly:  
>-"...Grazie. I-... I don't know what's with me... Sorry to be a bother like this, ve..." Lovino was about to answer him but felt how the weight on his back went limp; His little victim had fallen asleep. Perfect! A grin spread across his lips and he whispered.<br>-"Oh yes my darling, we'll have a pleasant night, right...?" Just the scent and warmth of his brother made him feel all tingly and impatient. They would have so much fun! ...Or at least one of them. The elevator arrived to their floor with a 'bling'-sound. Lovino smirked wide.

Lovino felt the familiar heat as he glanced down at the figure sprawled across the light beige sheets. The soft glow of the table lamp made Feliciano seem like an angel. His beautiful brother, only his for this whole night. Feli's lips were invitingly parted as he slept soundly. Lovino swallowed softly and felt nervous. He felt stupid and whispered to himself:  
>-"Tch... One kiss isn't bad compared to what you're going to do, you asshole..." Lovino kneeled down beside the bed and reached his hand on Feli's cheek. He caressed it a bit, enjoying the feel of his silky skin. Then he leant closer, lips barely an inch away from Feliciano's. Lovi hesitated for a second before pressing their lips together in a tender kiss. The warm and wet sensation tingled trough his body, he wanted more of it. Lovino pressed down harder, moving his lips along Feliciano's. He sunk his fingers into Feli's auburn hair and caressed his cheek sweetly. Then he slightly felt his brother's lips with his tongue, carefully slipping it in his mouth. Feliciano's lips twitched a bit around Lovi's tongue, that sent pleasurable jolts down the older Italian's spine to the tip of his arousal. He deepened the kiss even more, making it more and more passionate. Just to feel his brother's soft lips and hot mouth was almost too much, yet he wanted more. Lovino's hands started to wander down his brother's body, wanting to tear the pesky fabric of his clothes away and feel his smooth skin under his fingertips. It took a lot of willpower to pull back and stand up; he didn't want to do it just yet, everything had to be perfect. He had time, a lot. Lovino spent a moment to calm down before he proceeded to open the buttons of his unconscious victim's grey suit jacket. Slowly and steadily. He fetched the cuffs, straps and the ball-gag from his bag before loosening Feli's green tie and taking it off. The buttons of his shirt were a bit harder to open as Lovino's hands trembled with lust and impatience.<p>

Lovino's hunger just grew as the bare skin was revealed button by button. Feliciano's nipples hardened as the cool air hit them. Lovi smirked and bent down to capture the pink perky peak in his mouth. He sucked and bit on it gently, playing with it with his tongue. The salty taste of his brother's skin was delicious, making him hunger for more. He delivered kisses up Feliciano's chest to his neck, nibbling on it lightly. He sucked a purple bruise on Feli's neck. The younger Italian let out a small moan and for a moment looked like he would wake up. Lovino held his breath in terror, he didn't want his victim to wake up until he was safely bound and helpless. When it was sure that Feliciano wasn't going to wake up Lovino removed his shirt and jacket carefully. Then he closed the cuffs around his brother's wrists, making sure that he couldn't slip his hands off them. He proceeded further and started opening the button and zipper of Feli's pants, slowly slipping them off him. Feliciano's almost naked body made Lovino's pants even tighter, almost hurting tight. He sure had seen it many times before, but this time was different. Lovino let out a heated moan and let his eyes wander on the pale bare skin. Slowly he slipped his fingers under the elastic of Feliciano's boxers, starting to pull them off as well. After he was done he closed cuffs around his brother's ankles as well. It was already painfully hard to resist taking advantage of the situation, but Lovino wanted to have his dearest fully awake while he would fuck him. Deep and hard. Just the thought excited Lovino more.

Lovino prepared the straps with a wide grin. There were four straps, all connected to a thin metallic ring. It looked like a X-letter. He flipped Feliciano on his stomach and fastened the first two straps on his ankles. He bent Feli's legs up that he could fasten the two other straps on his wrists. Lovino stepped back to look at his masterpiece; Feliciano looked beautifully helpless and fragile like that, he couldn't even straighten his legs. Now he wouldn't escape... It would take some time before his precious little brother would wake up, so Lovino sat back and enjoyed the sight. The soft light illuminated the few curves in his body and his muscles. Lovino couldn't help it, he was almost bursting, so he opened his pants and stroke himself slowly, teasing himself until the very edge. He panted heavily for a long time after his release. Lovino couldn't help but smile when he opened his eyes again; Feliciano was still there, all pretty and tied up, all his. Lovi decided to take a shower while waiting for his fratello to wake up.

The drops of water felt refreshing when they ran down his body, washing off the guilt and shame, leaving only the burning desire. It cooled down the hot flesh and tingled while dripping down. Lovino wanted to be fresh and clean while taking his first taste of his dearest brother. He stepped out of the shower, dried himself and dressed up again before going back. Feliciano was still blissfully asleep. Such a shame... Lovino sat down to read something while waiting, the moment Feli would discover that he was drugged and unable to move would be absolutely delicious and thrilling. Lovi barely could concentrate on reading, he was impatient.

Cold... Heavy... Tired... Feliciano felt dizzy. He barely could open his eyes, his eyelids felt too heavy to open. He tried to breath calmly few times. A violent shudder shook his body; it was cold. He could feel that he was laying on something soft. Feliciano tried to open his eyes again. The light stung his eyes, but he managed to see that it was clearly a hotel room. When he thought hard he could remember drinking with his brother. Then he got unnaturally sleepy and Lovino took him ...back to their room? That must be it. Feliciano tried to shift a bit, but noticed that he couldn't move much. He tried to straighten his legs, but something was restraining them and also painfully pulling his wrists. When he forced his eyes open he could see something black around his wrist... A cuff? Was he tied up? Feliciano's eyes snapped wide open, he didn't care of the blinding light. His breathing hitched in panic. Where was he? He couldn't be in their room, fratello would've found him by now! Feliciano's head hurt and throat felt narrow, but he still tried to keep some kind of breathing pattern. He had to get help. He rested his eyes for a small moment before carefully clearing his throat and speaking.

Lovino's heart fluttered when he heard Feliciano shifting and breathing in a bit different pace. Suddenly there was a quiet voice, barely a whisper:  
>-"...I-Is someone there...?" Feliciano's voice trembled and sounded very scared. But who wouldn't be scared in a situation like that? Lovino put his book away and stood up, making just enough noise to make Feliciano aware of him.<br>-"H-hello...? P-Please, who is it...?" Feli gasped with a bit more panicked voice. Lovino walked right in front of him and kneeled down beside the bed. Feliciano's face turned from utterly scared to relieved.  
>-"Fratello! Thank god, please, help me! I'm-" Then the realization hit him; He drank with Lovino, so he got drugged by Lovino and he woke up bound in a room with Lovino. Feli took in a shuddering breath. The look in his brother's eyes made him uncomfortable.<br>-"...Please, d-don't tell me you're the one to t-tie me up...?" Lovino smiled, tears swelled up in Feliciano's amber eyes. He seemed terrified again.  
>-"...W-why you're... What are you g-going to do...!" Feli whispered with his voice hoarse from the drug and fear. Lovino said nothing, he just smiled a little wider and brought his hand on Feli's cheek. Feliciano flinched a bit, trying to look into his brother's eyes and search them for any sign that he was joking. Lovino bent down and kissed him on the lips. Feli gasped in shock. His brother took advantage of that and slipped his tongue in his mouth, reaching deep into the wet and velvety heat. Feliciano's mind went blank and body numb, he couldn't believe what was happening. Lovino was kissing him. His <em>brother<em> was kissing him, like lovers do. Suddenly he could feel again, Lovino's lips forcefully pressing over his and his tongue conquering his mouth. Feliciano bit down. He could taste the blood and feel Lovi flinch. Lovino pulled back, a small trickle of blood dripped down his chin. Feliciano breathed heavily and glared up at his brother's surprised face. Lovino's face darkened and he wiped his chin.  
>-"You fucking bit me!" Feliciano looked startled as Lovi shouted at him. He quickly changed his expression and tried to sound brave and convincing:<br>-"I did. I don't like this. Stop and let me go right now or I'll scream." The little tears glistened in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill on his flushed cheeks at any moment. Lovino sincerely laughed.  
>-"Hey... It took so much work to get you there, do you really think that I would let you go that easily? Hell no." He snatched the ball-gag from his night stand and took a tight grip of Feliciano's cheeks.<br>-"Try and scream with this on..." He whispered and pressed down hard, trying to force Feli to open his mouth. Feliciano tried to squirm free from the painful grip and let out muffled whimpers of pain.  
>-"Come on Feli, open your mouth and I won't hurt you more than necessary." Lovino licked his lips, Feliciano's resistance just excited him more. Tears started to run down his little brother's cheeks as he still tried to struggle, but was close to giving in because of the pain. Slowly he opened his mouth.<br>-"Good boy..." Lovino whispered heatedly and slipped the ball in Feliciano's mouth, pressing it firmly behind his teeth. He fastened the strap tight that Feli couldn't spit it out and closed it.

Feliciano let out scared sobs and whimpers, he wasn't even sure what Lovino was going to do to him. Lovi smiled soothingly and kissed the tears off of the corners of his eyes.  
>-"It's alright, I love you Feli..." Lovino whispered and smothered the smaller man in gentle kisses and caresses. Feliciano couldn't stop shaking, he was scared and the gag made him to drool slightly. Lovi slid his hand slowly down Feliciano's cheek and spoke in a low, dark tone:<br>-"You know, I could've hit you for that damn bite... But I really don't want to hurt you. ...Shall we start now?" Lovino stood up abruptly. Feliciano shuddered, partially at the touch, partially of the fact that he wasn't sure what they exactly were going to start. The gag dug into the corners of his mouth. Lovino looked down at him and slowly started to open the buttons of his shirt. He dropped it on the bed and grinned at Feli's flushed face.  
>-"I know you can see it... I'm all hard for you already." Feliciano's eyes widened when Lovi started to open his pants as well. He shook his head franticly, now he had a clear idea what Lovino was going to do to him and he didn't like that a one bit. Feliciano looked eyes wide at his brother's arousal. Feli flinched when Lovino took a grip of his hair and forced his head up. Lovi rubbed his length against his chin, making it a bit slicker with the saliva. Feliciano shook and tried to hold back sobs when the hard member was rubbed against his cheek, his face got sticky of the mix of tears, saliva and pre-cum.<br>-"I'll be very nice to you if you don't bite me or scream now... And it's for your own best." Lovino murmured and slipped his thumb under the strap of the gag, loosening it and pulling it out of Feli's mouth. Feliciano coughed out some spit and pleaded with a quiet, breathless voice:  
>-"H-hng... Please, Lovino, d-don't... This is too much! Y-you're my fratello, you can't do this! I don't want to... to..." His voice faded away and his cheeks gained a deeper shade of embarrassed scarlet.<br>-"Yeah? Exactly what you don't want to do? Finish your sentence..." Lovino chuckled sitting down on the bed and guided Feliciano's hand on his length, who tentatively closed his fingers around it. Lovi let out a small moan.  
>-"...I-I don't want to suck your dick..." Feliciano sobbed out and tried to look away, but the grip of his hair prevented it. Lovino looked down at him and removed Feli's hand from his member, instead pushing it against his lips.<br>-"Too bad. Sometimes things don't go as you want them to... Don't worry, it's clean. I took a shower." He whispered, pushing his thumb into Feliciano's mouth to open it enough for his cock to fit in. He pushed it past the trembling lips deep into his mouth. Feliciano's eyes were wide and tear filled, but at least he understood not to bite. Lovino petted his head gently as a reward. Then he pulled his head back slightly by his hair and pushed it back down, stuffing his length deeper in his mouth.  
>-"F-fuck... That's good. But now you just need to get it nice and wet. It's for your own good." Lovi moaned and let go of Feliciano's hair. Feli pulled his head back instantly and coughed some more spit out, panting heavily. Lovino raised his brows and chuckled lightly.<br>-"You had your chance and you fucked it up. If it's not slick enough, it's your problem, not mine." He quickly pushed the gag back into Feliciano's mouth and fastened it tight again.

Lovino stood up and went to the other side of the bed. He took a grip of Feliciano's ankles and pulled him closer, positioning his ass on the edge of the bed.  
>-"I've been waiting for this for so fucking long..." Lovino moaned, rubbing his length between Feli's firm and soft buttocks. Feliciano was frozen by fear, it was sick. So sick and wrong. He felt Lovino's hands keeping their tight grip of him and his member brushing over his sensitive areas. He could've died of embarrassment when he let out a muffled moan. Lovino positioned himself and started pushing in. Feliciano lost the rhythm of his breath and tried to squirm away. It was no use.<br>-"Nh, f-fuck... It barely goes in, so tight... Are you still a virgin down here?" Lovino moaned, forcefully trying push his thick length in. Feliciano gripped tightly the sheet, tears running faster down his flushed cheeks. His head hurt like hell and the whole situation was just so absurd he couldn't believe it was really happening. Then it went in. Feliciano's back arched and he let out a muffled cry of agony. He shook his head and kept whimpering and crying out. He would've pleaded and begged if he wouldn't have had the gag on. Feliciano was sure that he was bleeding.

Lovino hadn't ever felt anything better. His brother squeezed down just perfectly, he was so tight and hot inside that Lovi's lust just doubled. The cries and sobs Feliciano let out made him feel a bit bad, so he stayed still that Feli could adjust to the size his length. He wanted to make his precious brother feel good too, so he gently caressed his legs, gave a soft kiss on his sole -which made him to curl his toes adorably- and massaged his sensitive curl. Feliciano started to relax a bit and eased the squeeze, but he still trembled and whimpered softly, drooling because of the gag.  
>-"Nnh, I'm gonna move now, okay?" Lovino murmured and pulled his length out to the tip before roughly thrusting back in. The heat, the feel. Soft and slick, Lovino was almost sure that his little brother was an angel. He kept thrusting into the velvety depths harder and deeper. Lovi bent down to kiss and suck the back of his brother's neck, leaving small delicate bruises on it. Then he bit gently his earlobe, kissing it and murmuring sweet heated nothings in his ear.<br>-"Fuck... It's feels great! So tight! I love you, Feli!" Feliciano was close to fall unconscious again, it hurt just too much. His brother was being too rough and pushing himself in too deep. Yet still he found himself moaning. Lovino hit one specific spot on every thrust and that made Feliciano feel ecstatic even trough the pain. He could feel something dripping down his thighs. Blood, he was sure of it. How funny, it didn't even hurt that much any more... He was ashamed when he could feel his arousal against his stomach, he shouldn't be feeling that in such situation! His length got a delicious stroke against his stomach on every forceful thrust. Feliciano couldn't help it, he knew how twisted and wrong it was, but somehow the cruelty of the situation turned him on just more. Lovino thrusted even rougher and took a tight grip of his brother's hair, panting heavily against his neck and moaning 'I love you, I love you so fucking much' over and over again.

Lovino could feel it, he was so close to coming. The feeling tingled in his body, ready to burst on any second now. He wanted to fill his precious brother up. The pleasurable haze had already taken over him when he pushed in so deep he could and released himself inside Feliciano. Lovi kept still for a moment, just enjoying how his brother squeezed every last drop out of him.  
>-"I love you, Feliciano, that was the best damn thing I've ever felt." He whispered breathlessly in his brother's hair. Then he pulled out slowly, not really wanting to leave from the warmth of his precious one. A thick sticky mix of cum and blood flowed down Feliciano's thighs, staining the sheet. Lovino grimaced slightly and unbound his hurt and half-unconscious brother. Feliciano let out a relieved sigh and curled up on the bed when the straps were taken off. Lovi bent over him and took the gag off as well, throwing it on the other side of the bed. He looked down in Feliciano's tear filled amber eyes and his silently gasping mouth. Lovino laid down beside him and took his head between his hands. Feli's face was wet with tears and saliva, but it didn't bother Lovino; he pressed a loving, chaste kiss on his lips. Feliciano clung to his shoulders and buried his face in Lovi's chest. He was still breathing heavily. Lovino noticed that his precious brother still had a hard-on, so he decided to help him. Slowly he wrapped his fingers around Feliciano's length and stroke it, at the same time playing with his curl. His sweet gasps and moans were delightful for Lovino, he wanted to smother and kiss his younger brother fiercely, but now it didn't seem quite fit. The hot, throbbing flesh wrapped in his fingers made him feel worthy even once; he could give pleasure, not only pain, agony and destruction. He was almost swimming in a drunken haze, part of it indeed was from alcohol, the other part of it was from the twisted situation. Lovino twirled his brother's curl sharper around his finger, tugging it deliciously. He knew exactly what felt the best, tests on his own curl did bear a fruit. Feliciano was clinging to him tighter, shaking and moaning, but not pleading at all. His eyes were glazed over, he was in shock and barely even conscious. Feli started to breath faster and his moans got more high pitched before he spasmed and came in Lovino's hand. Then he fell asleep in his brother's arms.<p>

Lovi shifted carefully further from his sleeping brother and stood up next to the bed. He knew exactly what he had done, but felt no guilt. Only satisfaction. Lovi knew he should be guilty and ashamed of it, but somehow it didn't feel necessary. He knew he was a bit drunk, but would that affect his feelings that much...? Was he a psychopath after all? His head hurt, so he laid down beside Feliciano and fell into a restless sleep.

Lovino woke up after few hours when the sun shone in his eyes. At home he was used to sleep with curtains over the windows. Feliciano was still asleep, he seemed calm. Lovi pressed a small kiss on his sweaty forehead before sitting up. The bedsheets were a mess. Blood and dried cum on it's smooth beige surface. He grimaced and stood up, pulling the sheet off. Feliciano let out a slight grunt and curled up more. Lovi pulled the remaining sheet quickly over his slender body that he wouldn't feel cold. Then he went to the bathroom and looked in a mirror. His hazel-green eyes seemed a little bit darker, the reddish circles under his eyes didn't seem that nice either. He looked overally worn out. Now he felt sick. Lovino shuddered as he tossed the stained sheet in the laundry box. Guilt mixed in a hangover never felt good... He didn't want to look Feliciano in the eyes. Though there was a possibility that he didn't remember what happened last night. ...But he would be really stupid if he wouldn't notice how much his ass and head hurt. Lovino didn't what he should do now. He wanted to make it all better now. Then he got an idea. Lovino walked back to the bedroom and picked Feliciano's phone from the night stand, setting the alarm clock to wake him up in an hour...

A familiar, annoying sound pierced Feliciano's deep sleep. He kept his eyes closed and grunted, shifting to turn off his alarm, but falling limp when unbearable jolt of pain stroke through his body. He was covered in cold sweat and shook violently. Feliciano found himself extremely anxious and vulnerable for some reason, trying hard to figure out why. After few seconds the pain eased a bit, letting him to breath freely again. Feli opened his eyes and looked at the cream coloured ceiling. Oh right, he was in the hotel. The alarm was getting on his nerves, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now. Just why his whole body was sore and his head hurt? Feliciano turned his head to talk to Lovino, but for his surprise his brother wasn't sleeping beside him. His heart started racing when he thought about Lovi, which made him even more confused; Why was he panicking like this? A feeling that yesterday wasn't that pleasant crept on his mind... Feliciano felt awfully sticky and dirty for some reason. Especially... A slight red coloured Feli's cheeks when he reached his hand under the sheets. He could feel a thick layer of something slightly sticky on his inner thighs. His heart thumped faster and he pulled the sheet off himself. Feliciano's amber eyes widened when he recognized the substance. He couldn't believe it, thighs covered in dried cum and blood. He shook more, breath hitching in fear. Then he noticed the bruises on his wrists and ankles. Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes when the memories came back slowly but steadily. The drink at night... With who? ...His brother. Something happened... He got so sleepy suddenly. A drug? Yeah. When he next opened his eyes, who was in front of him? It was Lovino. Lovino's eyes, lusty, lips soft, teeth sharp... The firm grip of his hair, a kiss, tears, fear, pain, choking on him, the smirk, terror, agony, blood and... Nothing. Feliciano breathed in a panicked state. He remembered just enough to know what happened and he wished that he didn't remember. The alarm made him snap and throw his phone on the other side of the room, where it hit the wall and went silent. Just now Feliciano looked on the night stand. There was a small tray of breakfast, keys to their room and a letter. He cautiously picked up the letter, opened it with his trembling fingers and read.

"_Feliciano._

_I want to say 'I love you' but instead I say 'I hate you'.  
>I want to hug you back when you hug me, but instead I push you away.<br>I want to be honest, but instead I keep just more secrets.  
>I want you to love me, but instead I raped you...<em>

_I love it when you smile. I love it when you laugh.  
>I love your tears and fear. I love you when you scream.<br>I adore it when you say my name. But I love it when you cry out my name.  
>I wanna be gentle to you... ...but somehow I just end up rougher.<br>I wanna kiss you 'till your lips bleed.  
>I wanna hold you tight until you bruise up.<br>I wanna fuck you 'till you break._

_...And I hate myself for all this and the things I've done._

_I know it's already too late for explaining. But... Damn, I don't hate you even though it feels like that. I screwed things up once again and hurt my most precious person, who apparently hates me now. Feliciano, I don't think I can look you in the eyes after this.  
>I'm not begging you to forgive me, since you can't, but I wish you won't hate me too much.<em>

_I'm sorry. I got some nice things for you to make you to feel better. And no, I haven't put any drug in any of the foods. And look, I left my key on the table too, so you should feel safe. I'm downstairs in the bar if you want to talk to me. You don't have to, but I would really like to talk._

_-Lovino, your fucktard brother"_

Feliciano noticed that he was crying. He never had seen Lovino write like this. He never talked about his feelings or this politely. Feli clutched the keys in his hand, still feeling utterly scared of it all. He tried to calm himself down; Lovino couldn't get in without him letting him. Then he noticed that Lovi had taken his own stuff with him, so he had no reason to come back. And... If he really wanted, he could've raped him again in the morning. Feliciano felt a bit more secure. His brother was sorry and didn't want to make him uncomfortable by hanging around in their room. Then he glanced at the small breakfast. There was a cheese filled croissant and cappuccino, Lovino really knew what Feli liked. He was still a bit wary of the food, but ate it anyway because he actually was quite hungry. Nothing bad happened and Feliciano felt relieved. His thighs itched as the cum dried on them, he had to clean up. Feli struggled to get out of the bed, he still felt weak. His legs almost gave up on him when he tried to stand up. Sighing he looked at the stains on the sheets. He felt embarrassed, that must be how women felt when they're on their period and make a mess. But Feliciano wasn't a woman, so he shouldn't bleed. Slowly he made his way to his phone and crouched. Feli let out a small grunt, his hips hurt. He picked up the phone, put the battery back in it, closed the back cover and turned it back on. Feli was glad that he didn't have one of those smart phones, otherwise his phone would've been screwed by that throw. He smiled a bit and chuckled to himself:  
>-"I'm happy for the wall that it wasn't Nokia 3310...~" Then he forced himself up again, put his phone on the night stand and started slowly dragging himself in the bathroom.<p>

Warm rose smelling air hit his face when he opened the bathroom door. Feliciano's eyes widened. There was a bath for him! Bubbles, hot water and rose oil, decorated with rose petals. He almost started crying again. He felt so confused; why was Lovino so kind to him after what he had done? Feli felt bitter and scared, but also happy of the nice treatment. He dipped his fingers in the bath, finding that it was still hot and nice. Then he slowly got in it, feeling relaxed as the hot water wrapped around his sore and worn body. Feliciano felt in some way unreal, like nothing bad had happened... But he had to talk with Lovino. He decided to worry about it after the bath, now he wanted just to relax.

After several minutes Feliciano decided to get out of the bath, so he unplugged the tub and rinsed the bubbles and petals off himself. Then he wrapped a fuzzy and warm towel around himself. Feliciano felt nervous and anguished again when he remembered what he was going to do after this. He wasn't sure was he ready to meet Lovino yet. Feli dried himself quickly and dressed up. He knew he was walking a bit funnily, but he couldn't help it. Feli's fingers trembled when they curled around the door handle, but he still opened the door and stepped outside. The hallway was empty, which made him a bit more uncomfortable. The elevator took long before it arrived, which made Feliciano even more anxious. It was quiet in the downstairs, just some staff members walked around the empty hallways. Feliciano made his way quickly to the hotel bar. He remembered when he went there with Lovi, the memory made him shudder. His breath hitched a bit in fear. Feliciano didn't see too many people around the bar. Ludwig and Gilbert were sitting together and drinking beer, Arthur was drinking off his hangover and Tino was sharing a bottle of vodka with Ivan while Natalia was drinking a White Russian and stalking her brother. Feliciano swallowed softly and walked further in, dodging the decorative indoor plants and going towards the booth he was in with his brother last night. He could see someone sitting there, but his vision was hazy. When he wiped his eyes he discovered that he cried. Feli shook uncontrollably, but still continued towards the table. He wanted to stay strong, but he felt like he was going to collapse at any second. Feliciano stopped right behind the man's back, hesitated for a moment and whispered out faintly with a broken voice:  
>-"...Lovi..." He saw how Lovino's curl jerked as if he was shocked. He said nothing, just seemed tense and nervous. The silence was suffocating Feli, so he decided to be brave and sat down opposite to his brother. Lovi didn't look at him and he was covering his eyes with his hand, shoulders shaking lightly. Feliciano tried to swallow down the tears, but couldn't. The salty pearls dripped down his cheeks as he looked at the person he held dear, but the person who ravished and soiled him. He took in a shaking breath and tried to calm himself down. Lovino in turn wiped his eyes and turned to Feli, still not properly looking in his eyes. Then he spoke, barely audibly.<br>-"...You smell like roses... Did you like the bath?" Feliciano flinched a bit at the raspy and quiet tone of his brother's voice, it was so different from his normal harsh and loud style.  
>-"Yeah... Grazie... ...But why...?" Feliciano whispered back, barely not being able to talk. Lovino seemed smaller than ever. Then he lifted his face. The worn out look on his face made Feli to gasp, but even more he was shocked of the sight of his brother crying. Lovino never cried, at least not in front of him. Lovino's hazel-green eyes were full of pain and guilt, which clenched Feli's heart.<br>-"I'm so sorry of the last night... Really, my head wasn't that clear at that time. I never wanted to hurt you, but... It was just too overwhelming, too inviting... I... I just want to apologize for it all. I know you can't forgive me like that and... I just fucking love you, Feliciano...!" Lovi bursted in tears again and hid his face.

Feliciano felt hollow and empty, he was afraid and worried. He wanted to forgive his brother and hug him, but was unsure how Lovi would react to that. Would he hurt him more or understand it in a wrong way and rape him again? Feli was afraid that Lovino would do something to him, humiliate and hurt him again. Slowly he reached forwards and touched the back of Lovino's hand.  
>-"Fratello... I'm...fine. As long as you don't come too close, if I approach you it's okay. I really want to forgive you, but you have to give me some time...! Just... Why didn't you talk to me of how you felt...?" Lovino flinched and looked up into Feli's amber eyes.<br>-"I-I... I'm not good at speaking about feelings...! How could I tell to my own brother that I love him! I'm so fucking sorry..." Feliciano held his hand a bit tighter and shifted next to him. He felt a bit safer as they were in a public place, so he lightly leaned against Lovino's shoulder.  
>-"...I think I deserved it. I'm so worthless..." He mumbled quietly. Lovino gasped sharply.<br>-"N-no! You didn't! You're perfect and I wanted to feel it, become one with the perfection." Feliciano sobbed and clung tighter to his brother's arm.  
>-"B-but aren't we one already? We're both Italia." Lovino shook his head.<br>-"No. Even though we're the same country we're so far apart... And I'm not even called 'Italy'. … ...C-can I hold you?" He spoke with a sad tone, voice breaking a bit. Feliciano's heart twisted at his words, he knew them too true. He nodded lightly and carefully guided Lovino's arm around his shoulders, leaning into his brother's warm chest. He still shook. Lovino pulled him closer, careful not to hug him too tight. Feliciano felt like crying again, his brother's warmth and scent, so familiar and safe, yet so scary and threatening. He couldn't deny it, even though Lovino hurt him, he still loved him. Feli shuddered and murmured faintly.  
>-"D-don't take this wrong but... I love you."<p>

Lovino's heart raced when he heard the words. His brother's sweet scent mixed with rose, so hot in his arms, clinging to him and telling that he loves him. Lovi swallowed and asked:  
>-"...Like a brother, right...?" He felt horrible when Feliciano pulled away from him, did he say something wrong? Feli shook his head slowly and brought his hands on Lovi's cheeks.<br>-"Actually, no. Like this." He murmured and leant in to press a soft kiss Lovino's lips. Lovino froze, he was utterly surprised and confused. Feliciano pulled back a bit and continued.  
>-"But you have to give me a bit time to heal, mentally and physically... Just treat me gently and don't be too close. You have to regain my trust. ...Maybe after that we can make this work alright?" Feli smiled the slightest, a hint of pink colouring his cheeks. Lovino didn't quite know what to say. He wasn't expecting that, at all.<br>-"F-Feliciano... I-" Feli pressed his finger over his brother's lips.  
>-"Hush... Don't say anything. Just show me." He removed the finger and tilted his head, half closing his eyes. Lovino took in a shuddering breath and slowly leaned in to kiss his dearest. It was a soft peck, but it felt way different, much more tingling and hot than the kisses he stole at night. When he tried to pull away Feliciano held him back and kissed him once more, then letting him go. Feli stood up next to their table and pulled Lovino up with him.<br>-"Andiamo. You look tired, come to sleep." Lovino nodded tentatively, picked up his bag and followed his younger brother back to their room. He laid right away on the bed, dead tired. Feliciano sat beside him and gently swept a stray hair out of his face. When Lovino's hazel-green eyes fluttered close a wide crooked smile spread over Feliciano's lips. He whispered barely audibly:  
>-"Sleep tight, fratello, let's see what kind of surprise you get when you wake up...~ Now where did he put those straps..."<p>

* * *

><p>Bastard Feli-being, the best kind of being~ eue<br>I'm glad you were interested this long, or at least scrolled down this far, thank you for reading~


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